So Long 2013

As your old Uncle PC types these very words, the clock on my Mac tells me that it is 8:53 PM PST. By the time this is posted, the big ball will have already dropped in Times Square and it will have been 2014 in the eastern time zone of America for more than an hour.

And I, your humble Blog, am celebrating the eve of the new year in much the same way that I have for the last few years.

The house is, mostly, dark.

A gigantic pot of turkey soup containing the remains of the Christmas bird is simmering on the stove.

Mrs. Blog has long gone to bed. (Chronic illness and dialysis makes partying difficult.) The BlogDog is curled up at her feet.

And I, Your Blog, sit in the cool glow of my monitor, nursing a scotch, smoking a pipe, wondering what I should write about the year that is, just now, ending.

Looking for inspiration, I went into the archives to see what I said 365 days ago.

Damn! It was good.

How am I supposed to top that?

The answer has come to me.

Self plagiarism.

A little cut and paste. A few edits. A few comments. And we are all set.

"Drive-in Movie Critic" and satirist Joe Bob Briggs once said...

"If you're gonna make a sequel, make the same damned movie!"

You can read the original 2012 post here.

So, here we go...

"The Blog would love to write a truly curmudgeonly post about the artifice of time and our need to mark the passing of the solar year as the end of all things that sucked and a new and, presumably better 365 days ahead."

"He would love to snark about the fact that so many will spend this evening working their way toward beginning the new year with a massive hangover and how that is probably not the best way to get a better new year started."

 At this point, last year, I mentioned the "cluster fuck" that was 2012.

I want to attempt to recreate that for 2013, but, holy shit! So much craziness, I don't know if I can remember it all.

A black teen, wearing a hoodie and armed with an Arizona™ Iced Tea and a bag of Skittles™ was shot to death by a vigilante with anger management issues and delusions of mediocrity. The vigilante walked free but keeps turning up, like a bad penny.

A year after the largest mass shooting in U.S. history has passed and nothing has been done about our country's gun problem.

A former car thief and alleged arsonist leads Congressional investigations of a string of phony scandals.

Sarah Palin has not gone away.

Congressional Republicans hold 49 votes to repeal the Affordable Care Act. Fail 49 times. Does nothing about jobs.

Sen. Ted Cruz reads "Green Eggs and Ham" on the floor of The House. Completely misses the point.

America closes for business for over a month.

Healthcare.gov opens with glitches. Republicans freak.

Windows 8 debuts. Republicans don't freak.

"Duck Dynasty."

All that batshit happened in the last 365 days.

Probably more, but my head is starting to hurt.

It wasn't all bad.

As of tomorrow, millions will have health insurance for the first time in their lives.

Michelle Bachman is retiring.

Several more states have recognized all American citizens right to marry, regardless of sexual orientation.

Hostess™ has risen from the ashes. The Blog recognizes this, but will not celebrate it, until they bring back his beloved "Sno-Balls™."

Tomorrow, New Year's Day 2014, because the weather has been so beautiful, (insert your own global warming comment, here...) Mrs. Blog and I may be starting a new New Year's Day tradition. We will be spending the morning on a boat off the coast of California, whale watching.

*Back to self plagiarism*

"He could mention that there is no evidence to suggest that anything is going to get better in the new year.

But, DAMMIT, he just can't do it.

The PC is as hard wired as everyone else is to, if not believe, at least hope, that 2013 2014 will be a better year than 2012 2013 was.

Whatever other resolutions we all make for the new year, that we probably will give up on in a week or so, (The PC MUST lose weight in the coming year. And a lot of it! We'll see. The fact that he can no longer get his hands on Hostess Sno-Balls [still] might just help.)

Can you, my blogglitts, resolve, along with me, to do something, anything, to make the year 2013 a better year than last year?

Can we all make this our one, unbreakable resolution?"

 One really important note...

2014 is a "mid-term" election year. Too many people tend to sit mid-term elections out. Don't do it. The PC is begging you! The PC will remind you about this, constantly, for the next 11 months. VOTE! If you aren't registered, do so, now. If your state requires an I.D., make sure you have one. If you need a ride to your polling place, ask a friend. But, you MUST vote in 2014. I cannot stress this enough.

Wrapping it up in the same manner as last year...

Have a Happy, Healthy, Safe New Year!

"Make it so!"

P.S.

The Premature Curmudgeon is exactly one month away from the second anniversary of The Blog's first blog and seven posts away from his 500th post.

So, in an attempt to make the two milestones coincide...

The Blog is going to throttle his posting to one or two posts a week for the next month.

Let's see how that works out.

In the meantime...

Here is another pic of Kate Upton in a bikini...

Because, tradition.

 

Hospital Bills

Go check out this post about hospital bills on viralnova.com.

I'll be here when you get back.

The Affordable Healthcare Act, aka "Obamacare," will take full effect in less than 24 hours.

And yet, The Koch Brothers backed "#Opt Out" campaign is aimed at convincing young people to opt out of health insurance...

With free beer and pizza...

                                                             And rapey Uncle Sam...

Because Obamacare.

What kind of evil motherfuckers would do that?

A conservative friend of mine shared a post, last night. It was a quote from conservative bloviator Charles Krauthammer. 

"Conservatives think Liberals are stupid. Liberals think Conservatives are evil."

(This may be the first time that I have agreed with anything Mr. Krauthammer has ever said.)

Uhm...

Yeah.

Well, Conservative leaders and pundits, anyway.

The Blog does not believe that all conservatives are evil.

Just their leaders and propagandists. 

Most conservatives are just low information sheep. 

P.S.

Here is something that I didn't know about Charles Krauthammer until tonight.

He is paralyzed from the neck down.

Wheelchair bound.

He has a, seriously, pre-existing condition.

And yet, he continues to advocate against his own best interest.

Because he just hates liberalism that much.

Curiouser and curiouser.

Deleted

Last night, I posted a rant that was scathing, even for your humble Blog.

The PC was set off after observing a demonstration of the sort of wretched excess that I have often witnessed by ridiculously wealthy people. It's a topic I have touched on in the past, and will continue to write about in the future.

But, in the cold, sober light of day, I decided that that post went a little bit too far, even by this Blog's standards.

So...

I did something that I have never done in the brief history of this blog.

                                                                 I deleted the post.

Rest assured that the subject of extreme wealth, and it's effect on those who possess it, will be revisited soon. Hopefully in a more measured and thoughtful manner. And in a way that does not tip-toe so close to the line that could, legally, have a detrimental effect on The Blog's employment.

That is all.

The Last Christmas Post of 2013 (Probably)

The internet is chock full of awkward Christmas photos.

                                               This may be The Blog's most favorite, ever.

The truth is, awkward Christmas photos probably rank at #4 on a list of the reasons the internet exists.

Right below, porn, cute cat pics and...

                                                                       George Takei.

For example.

And, also, too.

But, this most recent, just past Christmas gave us one of the most awkward Christmas photos, ever.

                                                                 Feel for poor Molly.

From the look of this photo, Molly is the only member of her family who "gets' why the ever so awesome Christmas gift from her grandma and family is so mortifying.

If you don't get it,

"Google™" the term "Molly."

The Bible tells us, "Blessed are the tone deaf..."

Or some shit.

The Blog says, "Blessed is Molly. Her embarrassment made the world chuckle." 

                                         _________________________________________

Moving from awkward to awesome...

Thanks to The Huffington Post for sharing the video.

A family presents a puppy to their parents, for Christmas...

"Lion King" style.

If this doesn't give you feel's...

You are on the wrong blog. 

*DISCLAIMER*

Not to throw a wet blanket on the above, emotionally moving share...

But!...

Do not ever, ever, never, drop a puppy, kitten, gerbil, or any other living creature on an unsuspecting recipient, as a "gift," unless you are 100 and 10% sure that the recipient will welcome the responsibility for that life.

Because, just don't.

*END DISCLAIMER*

The (Star) War(s) on Christmas

Christmas is over.

The lights are still up. Although, some are have burnt out.

The tree is still in the living room, unwrapped presents underneath.

The tree's needles are starting to fall off, as are some of the ornaments.

The TV networks are showing nothing but reruns, because no-one watches TV on Christmas week.

Except The Blog.

Is it too late for one more Christmas themed post?

The Blog thinks not.

The Blog thinks that there is time for just one more.

If you are of a certain age, you know exactly what is going on here.

If you are too young, or too old, this may be the first you have ever heard of this.

And, I apologize.

But, back in 1978, when "Star Wars" was all the rage...

Television spawned the strangest, most ill-conceived Christmas special, ever.

Decades before Fox "News" and Bill O'Reily made "The War on Christmas" a thing...

The ABC television network and LucasFilm cranked out a "Holiday" special, reasoning that the Star Wars world existed in a pre-Jesus, non-earth, "Galaxy, a long time ago... far, far away."

But, a TV special was needed none the less.

And so, "A Star Wars Holiday Special" was born.

The special boasted what would, today, be considered a "star studded" cast.

Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher and Harrison. Freaking. Ford...

And let's not ignore Anthony Daniels, Kenny Baker, Peter Mayhew and some deep voiced guy named James Earl Jones.

Never mind that these folks were the stars of the biggest fucking movie in the history of ever...


Television demanded some real stars.

Stars like Art Carney, Harvey Korman, Diahann Carroll and television's "A List" super weapon, Beatrice Arthur.

Even those of us who worshiped the world of "Star Wars" were, irrevocably scarred by this half hour of Christmas dreck.



*WARNING!!!!*

Clicking on the link below, will expose you to 26 minutes of your life that you will never get back and never un-see.

And, if that is not enough warning for you, know this...

Bea Arthur sings.

*END WARNING*




Thanks to the magic of YouTube™, you can watch the whole thing...

But, if you know what's good for you, you won't...

... here.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

A Holly Jolly Christmas Post

                                                                          Not really.

For the last 23 and a half hours, much of the world, (adjusting for time zones and the International Date Line,) has been celebrating Christmas.

And, for 24 hours prior to that, Christmas Eve.

Two days of celebration of "Peace on Earth and Goodwill to All."

To the chagrin of extreme Christianists, many non-Christians celebrate the "Tidings of Joy" right along with them.

This particular atheist, who loves the Christmas holiday and everything about it, made a resolution to not post or comment on anything political on the Facebook for the 48 hours that make up "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

But that is Facebook.

This is The Blog's blog.

And fuck resolutions, here.

(By the time you read this, Christmastime will be over, so all bets are off.)

Tonight, after the day was done, I jumped on the Facebook, mostly to appreciate the joyous posts of so many of his friends and family.

The Blog's mild mannered Facebook alter-ego has nearly 500 friends on Facebook.

So, it should not be, statistically, surprising that some of them are "Conservative, Right-wing, Christianist, Republicans.

What gave The Blog pause was the fact that a half dozen or so, just couldn't stop themselves for 24 hours.

That half dozen, after they checked the content of their stockings...

After they did their churchy thing...

After they came home and tore into their presents...

                                                 After they carved the rare roast beast...

Got bored, I guess...

... and resumed their Obama hate.

And spent CHRISTMAS DAY...

Ignoring The Ninth Commandment and bearing false witness all over the place.

Check out this popular post...

                                                           A post that is 99.9% fact free.


The best part about this post is the comments...

Here are the "Top Comments" at the time The PC clicked on the post...

This post, shared by several Christianist friends came from a Facebook page called "Seniors for Future Generations."

The Blog blurs out the names and profile pics of his Christian Right friends, because that's how The Blog rolls.

But, I'm not removing the names of these commenters on the original post, because I don't know them and fuck them.

Extra attention should be paid to commenter Jock Soutar, with the hope that he gets a visit from the Secret Service real soon.

Here is another good one...

A simple graphic, without any actual sourcing.

But, if it's on the internets, it must be true.

Do you want sources?

How about this one from the Examiner.com?

The mother-fucking Examiner!

Seriously!

One journalistic, check-out line, notch above the "Weekly World News."

This just in...

Bigfoot and the Batboy endorse Mike Huckabee for president in 2016. 

*An aside to my Conservative, Christian, right-wing friends...

Don't bother fact-checking if you don't want to...

But, at least, vet your sources before you hit "Share."*

It is, now, 12:30 AM, PST. Christmas is over. The gloves are off.

The PC's Conservative friends weren't the only ones who didn't shut up on Christmas day.

The Blog's Liberal friends, also too, had a few things to say...

In the interest of keeping things fair and balanced...

Happy New Year.

"Eenie Kaveenie K'liti'vivac!"

According to The Blog's favorite, "lapsed Lutheran, secular humanist, agnostic, Buddhist, Wiccan, Unitarian, Roy Zimmerman...

"That's how they say 'Merry Christmas' on Mars."

And, who am I to disagree?

So...

"Eenie Kaveenie K'liti'vivac!" 

"Mele Kalikimaka!"

"Feliz Navidad!"

Joyeux Noel!

                                                                     Merry KISSmas!

Snarky silliness aside...

Your Uncle PC is old.

How old? You ask.

Old enough to have seen the the following clip when it originally aired on the television.

The Blog was thrilled when it went viral a few years ago.

Even more thrilled when it became available on iTunes™.

Two generations meet, and make beautiful music together.

Bing Crosby and David Bowie.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Christmas Eve Eve

Check out that Santa!

That is Santa Tim Connaghan, the realest, real Santa that The Blog has ever known.

The PC has had the honor of working with him on several occasions.

He has been the "Hollywood Christmas Parade Santa" for many years.

He has appeared in numerous TV shows and commercials.

The PC gets the occasional voice mail from him. 

"Hi, PC! This is Santa Tim! I was just wondering what the name of that blush you put on me was. I need to get some of that!"

 The Blog may or may not believe in the Jesus.

But, Santa Claus is real.

He leaves messages on my phone on a regular basis.

And those messages are so much cooler than the ones from Pamela Anderson or Carmen Electra.

Moving on...

                             ________________________________________________

The lights are up on The House of Blog.

The brine for the turkey has been boiled.

The turkey hasn't been thawed, but I will get to that tomorrow.

Peeps be asking, "Are you ready for Christmas?"

The PC replies, "No, not by a long shot."

Last minute shopping will happen.

Gifts will be mailed and won't arrive until days after Christmas.

As a t-shirt Mrs. Blog gave me last year says, "If it wasn't for the last minute, I would get nothing done."

Word!

So, just in case The Blog doesn't get to it tomorrow night...

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Know Your Customer

Not 24 hours after pulling "Duck Dynasty" merch from their shelves...

In response to "Duck Dynasty" patriarch, Phil Robertson's homophobic and racist rant in a "GQ" article...

The mid-western restaurant chain, "Cracker Barrel" flip-flopped and put the "D.D." products back on the shelves of their restaurant's souvenir shops.

This Blog is not very surprised.

The #1 rule of business... "Know your customer."

A couple of years ago, I mentioned a story I had read about Diana Ross suing "Cracker Barrel" for bad service because she was black, with my friend and colleague, Annette, (an African-American woman who spent several years as Diana Ross' hairstylist, and describes her experience with Ms. Ross as "nightmarish.")

"What did she expect?" Annette asked. "From a restaurant called 'CRACKER Barrel?'"

Full disclosure... I love eating at Cracker Barrel. We don't have them in SoCal. When I visit Ohio, I make a point of going to one, at least, once while I am there. Their menu is chock full of, totally bad for you, comfort food. And I buy stuff from their gift shop, like a can of "Charles Chips" potato chips, That can is on a shelf in my kitchen, because, mid-western nostalgia.

But, supporting a racist and homophobic millionaire, phony reality star's hate speech?

As the kids say on the internets... "I has a sad."

Tales From the Front: Pt. 1 of a Possible Series

Some of The Blog's friends...

(Several being the same friends that suggested that the The Blog should start blogging this blog...)

Have suggested that, because I have had a 30+ year career in television, film and print media...

Or, as we in the industry call it...

"The Industry"

...I should tell some stories about the experiences that I have experienced.

Not a bad idea.

But, I am hesitant.

Two of The PC's favorite bloggers are, themselves, retired (or maybe just "aged out,") television writers...

Ken Levine

and...

Earl Pomerantz.

They both tell great stories about working in Hollywood. You should go check them out.

The problem for your Uncle PC is this...

A whole lot of stories that I could tell fall into two categories...

Stories that I am, legally and contractually, forbidden from telling...

and...

Stories that I would consider "Tales Out of School." Stuff that falls under an implicit, even though not legally binding, client/ make-up artist agreement of confidentiality.

Because make-up artists are sort of like doctors, lawyers and bartenders.

But, there may be a few stories that can be told.

We, in "The Industry" call them, "War Stories."

Thus, the title of this post.

I have a few that I can tell and still work in the future.

Let's give it a try.

Here we go...
              _________________________________________________

A little over a decade ago, I was working on a popular "episodic" (that's the "Industry" word for "hour long, shot on film" television show,) action/ comedy series.

We were "on location" at Cabrillo Beach in San Pedro, CA.

Cabrillo Beach and Aquarium is a very popular place for elementary school field trips in the L.A. area.

Mrs. Blog takes her class there, every year.

Jerry Springer was making a cameo appearance, playing himself.

(Because, who else would he play?)

Jerry and I were being transported via golf cart from the "base camp" to the set.

A flock of kindergardeners spotted Jerry.

Picture it.

Some 60, five-year-old, kids began chanting...

"JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!"

 Jerry gave a polite smile and wave to the crowd of ankle-biters.

Then, he shook his head, turned to me and said, 

"May I present, the future of America. God help us."

                          _________________________________________________

So, what do you think?

Did you like that story?

I've got a million of them.

Well, maybe, ten.

Let me know in the comments section. 

Go Duck Yourself, Pt.2: Duck Soup

I don't know about y'all, but your Uncle PC is already sick of this yahoo.

So, I'm going to post my thoughts about this here and now, and, barring any future fuckery, will not speak of him again.

I've never watched "Duck Dynasty."

But, being in the business of show, I am aware enough of the show and it's themes to get what it's about.

Frankly, it pisses me off that some portion of my brain is currently occupied by knowing anything about another goddamned bunch of "reality" show people who have become famous for being famous.

48 hours ago, I didn't even know this guy's name.

48 hours later, I know his name and more about him and his family than I ever wanted to know.

"Duck Commander" Phil Robertson and his religion and other prejudices are, currently, crowding out far more culturally important matters from my brain.

                                                                   Like the Kardashians.

So, Phil gave an interview to GQ magazine that has raised a whole lot of questions.

Questions like, "Why the actual fuck is GQ interviewing Phil Robertson?"

Phil said some things that riled some people up.

For dramatic purposes, let's work our way backwards.

The millionaire duck call mogul and patriarch of the Robertson family wants you to know that he is filled with love and respect for all humanity.

Following up, he told GQ...

“We never, ever judge someone on who’s going to heaven, hell. That’s the Almighty’s job. We just love ’em, give ’em the good news about Jesus—whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ’em out later, you see what I’m saying?”

Homosexuals = drunks = terrorists.

Can you feel the Christian love? 

“Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men. Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers -- they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.”

Nope. No judgment here.

More love and respect can be heard in this video from a 2010 sermon at a Pennsylvania church dinner.

"Women with women, men with men, they committed indecent acts with one another, and they received in themselves the due penalty for their perversions. They're full of murder, envy, strife, hatred. They are insolent, arrogant, God-haters. They are heartless, they are faithless, they are senseless, they are ruthless. They invent ways of doing evil. That's what you have 235 years, roughly, after your forefathers founded the country. So what are you gonna do Pennsylvania? Just run with them? You're going to die. Don't forget that."

Warms the heart, does it not? 

Not content with not judging the homosexuals, he then downshifted to, not overtly hateful, but certainly tone-deaf, blindered denial of the condition of life in America for "the blacks" in the Jim Crow days before the civil rights movement.

“I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I’m with the blacks, because we’re white trash. We’re going across the field. They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’ – not a word! … Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.”

See? There you go!

"The blacks" were "happy," "godly," "singing," (but not singing the blues, oh no. Evidently, the blues weren't invented, by black Americans, until after entitlements and welfare.)

Presumably, they were tap-dancing, as well.

But, "the blacks" were happy. Because, as the old argument goes, "At least they weren't in Africa being eaten by lions."

So, Phil's TV network has suspended him, indefinitely.

                                                      And everyone loses their minds.

The right-wing Constitutional scholars...

                                                                         Like Sarah...


Got all poutraged, because First Ammendment Freedom of Speech.

Sarah and other Phil apologists had other thoughts...

When was it?

A whole week ago?

When they were calling for Martin Bashir's head on a pike.

Lest we forget, these same people were, not so many years ago...

Fueling bonfires with...

                                                                Dixie Chicks CDs.

Moving to the other side...

Here are three facts that you should know...

Here is a #4 that the above meme missed...

As has been established, here and in past posts...

The PC comes to you from deep inside the television industry.

So, The PC knows stuff.

When Duck Commander and company signed on with A&E, they signed a whole lot of paper intensive contracts.

The Blog guarantees that one of those papers had a thing or two to say about the signatory's promise to not say anything that might damage the network's brand.

Not a First Ammendment issue.

A contractual agreement between a private employer and employee.

"Loose lips" and such shit. You dig?

"Commander" Phil breeched that contract.

You don't need a law degree to understand that.

A regular "Judge Judy" viewer should get it.

Something is up when the "Cracker Barrel" restaurant  chain steps away from the "DD" brand.

*WARNING*

The above link will take you to a virulently right-wing opinion site. Click at your own risk.

And here is a weather report from Hell...

"A high of 31 degrees, today..."

Because The Blog is in full agreement with Bill O'Reily.

Even a broken clock is right, twice a day.

Moving on...

It has been suggested that the whole Robertson brand is fake.

A scam, calculated to appeal to a certain demographic.

Can it be true?

Observe...

                                             The family's kids before the show and during.

                                                        Phil himself in his college days.

Did every male member of the Robertson clan lose their minds and their razors at the same time?

Or, are they just another bunch of pseudo-Christian, pseudo-redneck actors/grifters, working their base demo for fun and profit?

The Blog reports.

You decide.

Finally...

The way out of the closet George "Mr. Sulu" Takei won the internet, last night, with this Facebook post...

"Many fans asked for my thoughts on the "Duck Dynasty" controversy. They pressed and pressed, but I refused to quack.

But I can't duck this issue forever. I don't really care feather someone on a reality show said something about gays that didn't fit the bill. He's entitled to his opinion, even if it's for the birds. But the network also is worried about flocking with its base, so if it feels it should drake him over the coals for making his fowl comments, so be it.

So that's migrate opinion."

That's enough.

I'm spent. 

Can we all go back to feeling superior to the "Honey Boo Boo" family, now?

Go Duck Yourself

The Blog's "conservative" friends have been sharing this, today...

The Blog's response...

The Worst Christmas Song. Ever.

Just about two years ago, tonight...

(Give or take a night or two...)

Your Uncle PC first contemplated the idea of starting a blog.

The PC was a regular reader of several blogs. So, he got the whole concept.

For quite some time, several of The PC's friends, (and one therapist,) kept encouraging me to get into the blogging thing.

"Yeah, right," I said, "Like I don't get into enough trouble on Facebook."

The PC succumbed to peer pressure to make a Facebook page several years ago, then, finally, two years later, a blog.

Now everyone, and I mean "everyone," thinks that I should be on Twitter™.

And, by "everyone" I mean, at least 12 people.

So far, The PC has resisted that temptation, but...

Heads up...

2014 is around the corner, and The Premature Curmudgeon is seriously considering joining the ranks of tweeting twits and twats.

I'll let you know when (and if) that happens.

That feels like a *DIGRESSION*

But it isn't.

Bear with me.

That night about two years ago, your old PC had something he wanted to bloviate about, and it finally became clear that a blog would be the perfect place to do it.

So I started the process of researching the blogosphere for my blogging options, and eventually settled here on Google's™ Blogspot.com.

*An actual *DIGRESSION**

I know. I am bouncing between first person and third person like a ping-pong ball.

We will throw in a "Royal We" here, to turn the ping-pong ball into a pinball.

Because it's my blog and I/ He/ We  will do what I/ He/ We want.

*END DIGRESSION*

To make a long story less long,

By the time I got down to actually committing the act of blogging...

It was the end of January and the subject that inspired the birth of this blog had become dated.

"No worries," I told myself. "I'll just sit on the topic until next December. By then, I will have had an entire year to write my blogging magnum opus. And it will be epic."

Mid-December, 2012...

The time had arrived.

Time to post the greatest curmudgeonly rant ever ranted.

His "Iliad," his  "War and Peace," his "Fifty Shades of Gray."

The time had come for The Blog's masterpiece.

"The Worst Christmas Song Ever Written."

*Back Story*

Until a couple of years ago, The PC was blissfully unaware of the song.

The song's genre is country-ish.

So, no surprise there.

But, a couple of years ago, a house down a few blocks installed one of those awesome computer controlled, Christmas light shows that syncs with music narrow cast over a low  powered AM radio station.

Granted, it wasn't as freaking awesome as the McMansions that you can find on the YouTube™ that display synchronized music by "Mannheim Steamroller" or the "Trans Siberian Orchestra." But, it was the same system, synching a smaller scale version on a 13,000 sq. foot, "California Bungalow."

It was kind of cool, and it always made Mrs. Blog, (who is in chronically poor health and spends a lot of time feeling shitty,) happy.

So, we visited this house, (or, to be more accurate, stalked this house,) a couple of times a week.

We would watch as the lights flashed, strobed and had general conniptions, to such classics as Jingle Bells," "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day," " The Carol of the Bells," (The music mix was bell intensive,) and "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer."

But, no matter what time we arrived for the show, it seemed that we never missed the song that I came to think of as...

"The Worst Christmas Song, Ever."

*End Back Story*

The first time I heard this song, I bought into it, hook, line and jingle bell.

I actually got teary.

But, like a Monet painting, the closer I got to it, the more it seemed like a mess.

The Blog's goddamned critical thinking kicked in and by the fourth or fifth listen, I began to realize that the song wasn't just a blatant act of emotional manipulation...

It, actually, bordered on outright evil.

So, when the time came to, finally, blog about it, The PC was giddy.

But, before The Blog would blog about it...

He had to research it.

He got on the internets and Googled™ the song to learn the "Who, How, Why and When, " of it.

But, the Google™ results informed The Blog of something he had not anticipated.

Someone else had already beat him to it.

Someone else had already ranted, hitting every point that The Blog had planned to make.

If The PC had posted the post that he had labored over for nearly a year...

It would have looked like plagiarism.

The PC was devastated.

Crushed.

He took to his bed for a month. His dog bit him, his wife left him, he lost his job and he didn't shave or bathe, or get out of his pajamas.

Okay, none of that is true.

But, as my "conservative" friends would say, after "sharing" a Facebook meme about how "Obummer" is an anti-white, nazi, socialist, muslim would say...

"It feels true. So, it's valid."

Moving on to today, December 19th, 2013,

The PC has come to terms with the whole thing.

He has made peace with the usurper who stole The Blog's thunder.

The song, (because, I know that the suspense is killing you,) is...

"The Christmas Shoes." 

On so many levels, it is, seriously, the most awful, narcissistic, piece of crap ever recorded.

And that is all that I, your humble PC, will say about that.

Instead, because I have made peace with the trollish, but admittedly genius, little man know as...

                                                                     Patton Oswalt,

who is so fucking successful and is everywhere...

Beat The Blog to it by a year...

I will just let him break it down for you.



Now, get out of my head, Patton.

I mean it!

Going Postal: The One Week Before Christmas Edition

If you have been following the blog for any length of time, you know that The PC has been a staunch defender of the United States Postal Service.

For the, almost, two years that The Blog has been blogging, The Blog has posted three posts, defending the Postal Service, under the heading, "Going Postal."

(There are a whole lot of postal posts in that last sentence.)

If you are new here, welcome!

Take a few minutes and catch up.

Here...

... and here...

... and here.

I will be here when you get back.

See? Still here.

If you count tonight's post, that makes four "Going Postal" posts.

Today, over on the Facebook page, "Postal Workers United..."

USPS worker posted a post that echoes the very point of my original posts.

Dig...

                                                                 Click to Enlarge. But, you know that, by now.

Got that?

Does the USPS ever fuck up?

Of course they do.

The Post Office is a massively insane undertaking.

And postal workers are people, my friend.

Just last month, in the week preceding Thanksgiving...

The Blog needed to get a check delivered, overnight, to The Blog, Jr.

He paid $19.95 to guarantee overnight delivery.

24 hours later, the check was, according to the USPS.com tracking page, still sitting in the post office that The PC mailed it from.

This was not good.

But, the check made it to The Blog, Jr. the next day before noon.

Plenty of time for him to deposit it into his bank account and use some of it to fill his gas tank and drive the 100 miles or so, to spend the holiday with his Grandma.

Bottom line...

The check made it in time.

The Blog was refunded the entire $19.95.

The timely, if not as timely as we would have liked, delivery cost The PC...

...nothing.

To quote The Bard...

"All's well that ends well."

A Brian Griffin Update

A couple of post back, The Blog explained why "Family Guy" fans were wasting their feels, mourning the death of Brian Griffin.

"Because, he is a cartoon character."

Today, The Blog stands vindicated...

Thanks to the following Tweet™ from "Family Guy" creator, (and voice of Brian,) Seth McFarlane...

I won't say "I told you so."

Instead, I will quote Dr. Sheldon Cooper...

On the topic of real, Hollywood deaths...

R.I.P. Peter O'Toole (the mainstream actor with the best porn name, ever!) Joan Fontaine, Tom Laughflin, Al Goldstein, (The only person on this list that The PC knew, personally,) and Anne Francis.

So much for the "theory of threes."

*UPDATE*

At the time of this post, The Blog had flipped back and forth between the "Survivor" finale and "Psych: The Musical," and did not realize that the resurrection of Brian had already played out.

But, it did. And, that fact changes nothing about The Blog's comments on the subject.

Just thought I should mention it.