Hollywood Divas

As a Hollywood make-up artist, your Uncle PC makes his living touching people's faces, his face so close to theirs that, under any other circumstance, would be a preamble to a kiss.

The whole thing is kind of intimate.

And, The PC has been that up close and personal with, probably, hundreds of actresses and models.

I have a theory.

I do my best work if I can fall in love with (or, at least, nurse a crush on) whoever is in my chair for the time that they are there.

If I just can't do it, I am not giving 100%.

But, being crush prone since my childhood, I'm pretty good at it, even if it is artificial.

After years as a "celebrity" make-up artist, I have spent the last decade working, mostly, with ordinary people. Midwestern housewives and such. I think of it as my slow slide toward old age related unemployment retirement.

I still work with celebrities once or twice a week. But, mostly "civilians."

And those civilians, inevitably, ask me two questions...

"Who is your favorite to work with?"

A question that is impossible to answer. (See above about crushes.)

I have been lucky to work with some seriously wonderful people.

And...

"Have you ever worked with a celebrity who was just awful?"

I have worked with a few celebrities who were nightmares. It's a hazard of the job.

But, mostly not. And here is why...

Hollywood is a small town. We all talk to each other. And we tell each other who to avoid.

If I get a call to work on a project, the first question I ask is, "who will I be working with?"

If the answer is, say...

                                                                        Faye Dunaway

I am savvy enough to, at best, lie about my availability, or, if need be, fake my own death.

Because, Faye, If you are a Hollywood legend (and you are) who can be fired from a movie that existed, solely, as a star vehicle for an orangutan, because you were so awful to the cast and crew, you are doing it wrong. 

Why am I talking about this?

Well, yesterday, The Huffington Post ran an article entitled...

"10 Celebrities Who are Difficult to Work With."

Go check it out. I'll be here when you come back...

I'll be honest, I have worked with none of these people.

No, I tell a lie.

I have worked with Teri Hatcher.

While I am aware of her reputation, I found her to be sweet to me. But, I sensed her insecurity and cattiness toward one of her "Desperate Housewives" costars. So, I don't doubt the rumors.

I don't even know who some of the people on this list are. So, I can only take the post at it's word. Because I am, as I have pointed out, old.

I know Leah Michelle's reputation, but found it ironic that Kate Hudson, who is, herself, high on the "avoid working with" list, had a problem with her.

Which brings us back to the question...

"Who is the worst diva that I have ever worked with?"

Tonight, here, exclusively on the blog, I am going to break not one, but two of my cardinal rules...

I am going to reveal the answer to that question...

...And, I am going to speak ill of the dead.

The worst diva that I have ever worked with, not once but twice, was...

                                                                          Sheri Lewis.

I know! Shocking, right?

Not just a fixture of my youth...

But a woman who made her fame by talking to a fucking sock.

She terrorized productions, and treated her own staff of assistants...

                                                 ...the way the Malfoy's treated Dobby.

                                                       Poor Lambchop must have related.