Thursday, May 1, 2014

Vacation, Schmacation

This is so true!

I am not a "workaholic."

Far from it.

I treasure my leisure time.

But, I love what I do for a living, and I love getting a paycheck to do it.

For me, "vacation" just means "a period of extended unemployment." And I find that far more stressful than doing the job I do.

I suspect that if I ever suffer a "stress related" heart attack, it will happen during a "vacation," and not while I am at work.

Your Blog has worked in the world of network television for about 20 of the 30 years that he has had a career.

He had never encountered the term "hiatus" until he entered the TeeVee world.

Your Uncle PC has detected a pattern.

Around the same time, every year, highly paid, "above the line" TV producers...

And young, single, not well paid, but young and single with no financial obligations outside of rent and college loan payments...

And, too often, with hefty trust funds...

And outsiders who have no clue...

All ask the same question...

"So! What exciting plans do you have for your vacation?"

After I resist the urge to punch you in the throat, I will answer...

"Oh, I don't know."

"Will you be doing any traveling?" They ask.

Yeah... No.

But, since you are here, Your Blog will share his inner thoughts.

His "inside voice" response to the question.

Here are my plans for my "vacation..."

I am going to file for unemployment benefits.

Which means, "I am trading in my $2000 a week income for a $400 a week stipend."

The one that my employer and, because I am technically my own business, I also pay into...

I am entitled to.

Because, as any right-wing conservative will tell you, collecting unemployment disincentives me from looking for employment. I am totally happy to live on the hammock of the social safety net.

"Don't feed the animals," the CONservatives say.

"They will only become dependent," they say.

That's me. A guy who works his ass off 9 months out of the year. Making rich people richer.

Just like my public school teacher wife.

We are just entitled, "wild animals." Like raccoons and opossums and skunks.

Waiting for handouts.

Yeah, I am drinking margaritas, snacking on bon bons and watching Judge Judy, while I enjoy living off the government tit.

But, no.

I am going to wonder how I am going to replace my wife's mini-van that just died, without an actual income.

I will brace myself for the fact that our remaining vehicle will require costly repairs and maintenance.

I will expect that my dishwasher will decide to spew sudsy wetness all over my kitchen's wood parquet floor. Or, my washing machine will do the same, in my garage.

And the odds, based on past experience, are good that one or both of our computers will probably crap out on us.

Best case scenario, I will be offered a temporary job so heinous that I will have to shower with sandpaper and lye soap to scrub the shame and disgust off of my body, before drinking myself to sleep.

But, I will take it, and I should be grateful for it.

Oh, and BTW...

My wife is a public school teacher...

Whose kidneys failed six years ago...

Because one of her students had a highly contagious virus, but was too poor to see a doctor about it...

Because, before "ObamaCare" healthcare was a privilege only for those who could afford it...

She now depends on a machine, four days a week, to keep her alive.

Thanks to "ObamaCare," She still gets her treatments.

Your Blog has lost his thread...

But, the above is all true.

If you get it, good for you.

If you don't...

Go fuck yourself.

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