Monday, April 29, 2013

Mind... Blown

The Blog comes from a long line of long living people.

My maternal Grandmother (aka "Nanny") was in her 90s when she shuffled off that mortal coil, in spite of the fact that she smoked and enjoyed a cocktail or three every night for most of her adult life.

My maternal Grandfather held a rather peripheral space in my life, for reasons that are not relevant to this post, so I don't remember how old he was when he passed, but he must have been well into his 80s.

My parents are in their early 80s and showing little sign of slowing down.

(Knock on cyber-wood.)

My paternal Grandma was somewhere around 90 when she passed.

And my paternal Grandpa, well, he didn't quite make it to 100, but 100 was in his sights when he died. And, much like Nanny, smoked since his teens and consumed beer in an almost ritualistic way. (One beer with dinner every weeknight. One beer at lunch, another at dinner, on weekends.)

His sister, The Blog's great-aunt Marie, (who, as The PC mentioned in an earlier post, made the best damned chicken and dumpling dinner, anywhere. And, in her old age, used to send her grandson out to buy the latest copy of Playboy magazine so she could see The PC's work,) lived to see her 103rd birthday.

(FYI... Hallmark stops making age specific birthday cards at 100-years-old. This needs to be addressed.)

So your Old Uncle PC, at the age of 53, expects that he has only lived about half of his life.

(Given The PC's general aches and pains at 53, he views another 50 years with some trepidation.)

But that doesn't make today's news any less mind blowing.

And "mind blowing" is the operative word, here.

Dr. Albert Hofmann, the Swiss scientist who, somewhat accidentally, invented LSD, then used himself as his test subject, died today, of a heart attack, at the age of 102!

I will say that again...

The original acid tripper lived to the age of 102!!!

Died from natural causes!

And, again...


Blown. posted this fascinating story today.

Dr. Hofmann was Swiss.

The Blog's paternal ancestry is Swiss.

There may be something there.

The Blog has never been tempted to use hallucinogenics.

Maybe those anti-drug films he saw in the fifth grade worked.

More likely, The PC is just too much of a control freak to ever willingly turn over that much of his perception to hallucination.

I'll stick with laser shows and trippy movies. (Preferably in 3D.)

The Blog proposes a toast to Dr. Hofmann.

If there is something on the other side, I hope that it is an eternal best trip ever.

The White House Correspondents Dinner

The PC loves the WHCD.

(Yes, The Blog is kicking the promised television commentary can down the road, again. As you have probably guessed by now, The PC is working on a run for Congress.)

But, yeah.

The White House Correspondents Dinner.

(Or is that "Correspondent's" Dinner? I'm not sure.)

That one night a year when The Press and The President, Republicans and Democrats, Fox "News" and Current TV, Steven Spielberg and Donald Trump, all gather together in the same room for the purpose of lightening-up for a bit. And all for charity.

What a great night.

What a great tradition.

It's like a Friar's Club Roast on a national level.

If you have about 24 minutes to spare, check out The President's turn at the podium, here.
In the last few minutes, he breaks from tradition and gets serious for a bit.

Appropriate, I think, considering the events of the last week or so.

But, not everyone is on board with the traditional, annual frivolity.

Sarah Palin, in her ongoing, futile quest to remain relevant, tweeted the following twiticism...

Get more of that story here. (Or, Google "Sarah Palin WHCD" for more on Caribou Barbie's ire.)

Stay classy, Sarah.

The Blog feels your pain.

The PC wasn't invited this year, either.

*Post Script*

The Blog just coined a new word, tonight.


That's right. That's mine.

Feel free to use it in conversation and correspondence.

No royalties will be charged.

But, if you can, give your old Uncle PC a tip 'o the hat when you use it.


Sunday, April 28, 2013

Presidential Libraries Pt. 2

Just a couple more things about Presidential Libraries and then I will move on...

First, The PC has learned, since last night, that there are only 13 presidential libraries in America, making the practice a relatively recent phenomenon.

The aforementioned Mt. Vernon and Monticello don't actually count.

So, if you are looking for the James K. Polk Presidential Library or the Howard Taft Library, never mind. They don't exist.

*But, how cool would it be if there was a Taft Library that featured the bathtub that the rotund president once got stuck in?*

People smarter and funnier than The Blog have chimed in with things that The PC wishes he had said.

Like David Letterman...

"There is a room dedicated to 'weapons of mass destruction.' But, no one can find it."

Stephen Colbert...

"The GWB Library opened today. Except for the history section. It's still being rewritten."

And this...

Finally, a word or two about the library docents.

These tour guides and information "go to" folks are volunteers and, God bless 'em, true believers, every one.

Ask one an uncomfortable question, as your Uncle PC did at the Reagan library.

"I don't see any reference to Jane Wyman," I said. "And, no acknowledgment of Patti or Ron Jr. What's up with that?"

The poor, unsuspecting docent's eyes darted, searching for the nearest exit.

She hemmed and hawed and gave some sort of bullshit non-answer.

I let her off the hook and didn't press her for a real answer.

I felt kind of bad for her.

I am such an asshole! How do I sleep at night?

The Blog had a flashback to a visit to a Russian history museum in Moscow.

As a tour guide showed us around a room dedicated to the life of Catherine the Great, some wit, (I'm pretty sure it wasn't me, but it was a long time ago, so it might have been,) asked the one question that the exhibit did not address.

"How did Catherine die?"

The guide, with a facial expression that implied that she had never been asked that before, (the same expression that the Reagan Library docent would show me a couple of years later,) ignored the question and moved us on to the next room.

In case you are not up on Russian lore, legend has it, (it may or may not be true, we sure didn't get an answer at that Russian history museum,) that Catherine the Great died, (how do I put this gently?) under a stallion.

If you know what I'm saying, and I think you do.

Enough about presidential libraries and Russian history.

Next up, with any luck, some thoughts about The Blog's favorite television shows.

(Yes, including "Once Upon a Time.")

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Presidential Libraries

As The Blog posted last night, yesterday marked the official opening of the George W. Bush Presidential Library.

As The Blog understands it, every president of the United States, upon leaving office, gets a library in their honor.

They call them "libraries," but really, they are, more accurately museums.

Museums dedicated to preserving American history in accurate detail, for future generations.

Some of the oldest are housed in the palatial homes of our earliest Presidents.

George Washington's Mt. Vernon and Thomas Jefferson's Monticello, for example.

Modern presidential libraries/museums are a bit more nuanced.

As The Blog understands it, (again,) the modern presidential library works like this.

Immediately after a president leaves office, the fund raising machine that raised the funds for the former president's campaigns goes back to work to raise funds for a library. And for the next couple of decades, the former president's museum is owned and operated by people who, wholeheartedly support the former president in question.

During that time, the library/museum functions as a sort of "post campaign campaign," designed to establish the former president's legacy for posterity.

In other words, for a couple of decades, Presidential Libraries are great big, privately funded, bullshit museums.

*To be fair... I doubt that one will find any reference to Monica Lewinsky at the William Jefferson Clinton Library.*

After a certain period of time, the library's operations are, by law, turned over to a federal government agency, (I'm thinking the National Park Service, but I could be wrong. Look it up for yourself. Do I have to do everything around here?)

At that point, you may learn some actual, spin free, history from those museums.

Until then, treat presidential libraries as entertaining exercises in "spin."

Obviously, The PC has not, personally, been to the GWB Library, yet.

But, visiting there is now second on my bucket list after a visit to The Creationism Museum. For all the wrong reasons.

To the GWB Library's credit, unlike the current Republican party and it's apologists, the museum does acknowledge the fact that Sept. 11, 2001 did actually occur during Dubbya's presidency. In fact, the centerpiece of the library is a twisted piece of metal salvaged from the remains of the World Trade Center.

So, there is that. The only presidential library tribute to a president's greatest failure.

So far, I have not found any indication that a copy of the "Daily Intelligence Report" entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Strike" is on display.

Here are a few examples of the artifacts from the Dubbya years that are on display.

                                                                    George's bike.

 The one that he spent an awful lot of time on, and fell off of, on a few occasions.

In the spirit of celebrating that bike, I wish that the museum had also included a reproduction of a certain pretzel.

Here is a bronze sculpture that decorated the Oval Office for both of Bush's terms...

A bull, apparently frolicking in it's own bullshit.


And, displayed in the library without a hint of irony.

And, pictures of food served at official, presidential banquets.

                                                             Like this dessert tray.

The former president goes all Instagram here.

How about this for either ballsey or tone deaf...

 That's right! A Florida, District 9, voting booth. Accompanied by a jar of chads.

Because holy shit!

And, because federal law requires all presidential libraries to include one...

                                                   A reproduction of the Oval Office.

(The Blog admits that there is probably no law requiring this. But, it seems that way. More on that in a bit.)

Reports tell us that doors in this particular Oval Office rendition open up to a reproduction of The Rose Garden.

I have no information that another door opens to an interactive brush clearing site.

But, one should.

For more about the GWB Library, go tour it's official site.

Don't miss the section devoted to the Bush's dogs. Because that is historically important stuff.

Years ago, The PC visited the Roy Rogers Museum, then located in Victorville, CA. It was a museum dedicated to something so culturally unimportant, that it felt like a tour of some stranger's grandmother's attic.

Mildly interesting. But, ultimately, pointless.

The PC gets that same feeling here.

The Blog has visited two other Presidential Libraries, here in Southern California.

The Richard M. Nixon Library.

A lovely piece of Orange County, CA property dedicated to salvaging the legacy of the original presidential "dick."

The Nixon Library features a rather lame version of the obligatory Oval Office reproduction.

The PC went there willingly for the sole purpose of purchasing a t-shirt from the souvenir shop with this photo on it.

                                                     Because that is some crazy shit!

And then there is the Ronald Reagan Library in Simi Valley.

Upon immediate entry, you will be greeted by a mosaic portrait of Saint Ronnie made out of Jelly Belly jelly beans.

Creating a first impression similar to the one you would get upon entering Legoland.

The ubiquitous presence of the gourmet confection throughout the museum suggests that the Reagan Library may be the first corporately sponsored presidential library in America.

I think that the free marketeer Reagan would have liked it that way.

The Reagan Library is truly the Universal Studios Orlando of presidential libraries.

                                         Once again, there is the mandatory Oval Office set.

How about an actual chunk of the Berlin Wall?

                                       Proving that spay paint wielding taggers are universal.

Don't miss the Reagan Library's "E Ticket" attraction.

                                                           Reagan's Air Force One.

Pretty cool. But not as cool as Harrison Ford's.

When you are done with the tour of Air Force One, stop by the reproduction of an actual Dublin Pub named for Ronald Reagan, in the shadow of the presidential jet, and enjoy a corned beef sandwich and a pint of Guinness.

Because, what's more American than that?

What else will you find at the Reagan Library?

Books by Maureen and Michael Reagan, for sale in the gift shop.

What won't you find?

Any reference to Ronnie's first wife, Jane Wyman, or his inconveniently liberal children, Patti Davis and Ron Reagan, Jr.

Maybe in another decade or so.

Finally, in honor of the opening of the GWB Library...

The first ever Premature Curmudgeon photo caption contest.

                                                     This photo is begging for a caption.

Post your caption in the "Comments" section.

I will post the best captions in a later blog post.

Friday, April 26, 2013

The GWB Lie Bury

The George W. Bush Presidential Library officially opened, today.

(In the interest of accuracy, the time is now 1:08 AM Pacific Curmudgeon Time, so the library opened yesterday.)

The Blog has a few thoughts about this and the couple of Presidential Libraries that he has actually visited.

But, since it is now 1:23 AM, The Blog is too damned tired to go on, this night.

So, take the next 18 hours or so to come up with your own Dubbya/ Coloring Books/ Books not read jokes and we will compare notes tomorrow (okay, technically tonight.)

In the meantime, it seems appropriate, at this time, to share this song from my favorite political satirist, folk singer.

Roy Zimmerman.


See you here tomorrow.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Allan Arbus

In several earlier posts, The PC has talked about one of the perks of working in Hollywood.

That is, getting the chance to meet some of the people he has admired since his youth.

Actor Allan Arbus, who passed away yesterday, at the age of 95, was one of those people that The Blog had always hoped to meet.

But, alas, that never happened.


Arbus was best known as the recurring character Dr. Maj. Sidney Freedman on the TV series M*A*S*H.

Major Freedman was an Army Psychiatrist who stood out among the regular cast of rapid fire wits with his laconic, laid back, low key sarcasm and compassion. He was featured in several of M*A*S*H's best episodes, in two of them, matching wits with his ideological opposite, Col. Flagg.

By all reports, there was little daylight between the fictitious personality of Sidney Freedman and the real Allan Arbus.

In fact, according to M*A*S*H writer, (and one of The Blog's favorite bloggers,) Ken Levine, until he he was dissuaded from his misconception, Alan "Hawkeye Pierce" Alda assumed that Arbus was an actual psychiatrist who had been cast in the role.

It has been postulated that Dr. Freedman's gentle empathy and humor did much to advance the public perception of psychotherapy in the late 1970s.

But, Arbus led a seriously interesting life before he became an actor.

In the 1950s, he was a photographer. His wife and business partner was Diane Arbus, whose photographic fame would eventually eclipse his own.

That period was portrayed in the trippy, surreal 2006 film "Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus," which starred Nicole Kidman as Diane and "Modern Family's" Ty Burrell as Allan.

As the title suggests, the film's story was fictionalized, but from what The Blog has been able to ascertain, was true to the spirit of that crazy time.

The PC's mind is, frankly, blown to discover that Arbus was 95 years old at the time of his death.

He seemed so much younger, 30 years ago.

Which brings me back to my original thought.

Allan is in good company.

Vincent Price, George Burns, Boris Karloff, John Belushi, Katherine Hepburn.

All people that The PC would have liked to have met during his time in Hollywood, but missed before their passing.


So, a toast to Allan Arbus.

It seems appropriate that that toast should be a famous Dr. Freedman toast.

(Attributed to Larry Gelbart, but, maybe older than that...)

"Ladies and gentlemen,
Take my advice.
Pull down your pants,
And slide on the ice."

Monday, April 22, 2013

An Open Letter to My Conservative Friends

This post will not contain any humor.

No snarky responses to the absurdities of the world.

Tonight's post is one of pure, raging anger.

Sorry about that. Just bear with me.

In the days that followed the September 11, 2001, my son, then a sophomore in high school, asked me a question.

"Dad," he asked, "Why are some of my classmates being so hateful to my Muslim classmates? They didn't attack the World Trade Center. So, why are they being treated so horribly?"

I had no good answer to his question.

But, I was prouder, than you can imagine, of my son's empathy and compassion.

I guess I did something right.

Given a little over a decade to ruminate on his question, I finally have an answer.

"Hate, my son, is the strategic offensive position of fear."

So what, you may ask, does that have to do with anything?

Well, I'll tell you.

In the last 48 hours, some of the handful of my "conservative" friends have seen fit to post some seriously vile, hateful, bigoted posts about "Muslim Terrorists" and implications that our President is somehow complicit in some sort of cover up in the Boston bombing.

                                                                      Like this one.

And, I am done with it.


Over the last few nights, I have taken the media to task for reporting unsupported suppositions and speculation as fact.

I stand by those criticisms.

But, since I am not a journalist, but rather, an opinionated, know-it-all asshole, I am going to lay some speculation on you, right now.

The Tsarnaev brothers are not a part of some larger terrorist cell.

Yes, they are Muslims. They are also American citizens.

And, you don't have to be a criminologist to recognize that they fit a textbook profile of  "Lone Wolf" pathology.

Two people, one dominant, one follower.

Very much like Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols. (Note... not Muslims. White, "Christian", anti-government, radical right-wing extremists.)

Or the father and son team known as "The DC Snipers." (Also not Muslims, or foreigners, but they were **black**.)

If the Tsarnaev brothers were backed by a larger Muslim terrorist organization, they would have not been so sloppy. For all of the damage done, the whole thing came off like an amateurish imitation of an Al Quida attack.

(And, BTW, no major or minor terrorist organization has claimed credit for the bombings. So that doesn't fit the terrorist profile.)

Had they been backed by a larger conspiracy, they would not have had to rob a 7-Eleven to finance their failed get-away.

So, in my completely irresponsible opinion, the brothers Tsarnaev were merely a couple of delusional psychos, straight out of an episode of "Criminal Minds."

*End Digression*

Back to my original point.

If you are one of the half dozen or so of my "conservative" friends that are polluting my Facebook newsfeed with ignorant, bigoted, hate-speech...

You are now on notice.

One more "All terrorists are Muslim," one more "Obama is an anti-American, anti-Christian, pro-terrorist" post...

You will be "un-friended" and blocked.

I have no more time for your ignorant, hate driven bullshit.

That is all.

Saturday, April 20, 2013



Am I right?


Or, as the always hilarious "The Onion" put it...

"Jesus! This Week!"

As the freakiest week we have seen in a long time winds up with an even freakier day, The Blog will continue with his promise to stay quiet about the Boston bombings until the shit-storm settles. (If, even then.)

Except for a couple of quick things.

A couple of posts back, The PC admitted that he is not on Twitter.

The Blog has no facts to back this up, but he may be the last person on Earth who is not on Twitter.

Just not that interested.

I just don't care about the philosophy of Ashton Kutcher, Justin Beiber or (insert celebrity name here) in 140 characters or less.

And the people whose thoughts I do care about manage to get shared on Facebook, other internet sources or, the old fashioned way, in person.

And the gods know that your Uncle PC gets himself into enough trouble on Facebook and here on the blog where he has time to proofread, edit, rewrite and think twice about sharing what is on his mind.

Twitter could be seriously dangerous to my well being.

But, after today, The Blog is starting to rethink the whole Twitter thing.

Maybe The PC should get on board.

And, instead of following the folks that he likes and respects, he should follow the bag of dicks that spent today twitting their bat-twittery in the wake of today's events.

The Blog would never run out of material to comment on.

For example...

                                                     Who remembers Chuck Woolery?
If you do, congratulations!

You are old.

Chuck was an iconic gameshow Scaramouch way back in the 1960s and '70s.

Chuck was rendered irrelevant to pop culture by Pat Sajak  (which is saying something) when Chuck went all Kirk Cameron and dropped out of the societal faction that most of us call "sane."

Chuck reacted to the Boston Marathon bombing by taking to Twitter and plagiarizing noted deep thinker Ann Coulter.

A tip 'o the hat to Woolery's followers Chest Strongwell and Will McAvoy for taking the time to "dispute that."

(And another "Thanks" to Chest Strongwell for providing this image of the tweets!)

Then there was Senator Lindsey Graham who demonstrated, in 140 character or less, his inability to grasp the Constitutional law that he claims to champion.

Note to Senator Graham...

The alleged bomber is an American citizen who has the right of "Due Process."

So, put your iPhone™ away, and shut the fuck up.

But, here is the tweet that got The Blog's blood boiling...

Rep. Nate Bell (R-AR) spewed this at 7:25 this morning...

The blow-back from this tweet has been huge.

Critics have pounded the "gentleman" from Arkansas for his insensitivity under the circumstances.

And rightly so.

But, The PC has a response to Rep. Bell that The Blog has not seen anywhere else.

Since The Blog cannot respond in 140 characters, on Twitter, he will do it here and hope that someone on his staff is tasked with the job of checking Google alerts for any references to Representative Nate Bell, and will pass the message on..

@NateBell4AR, Hey #Dickweed! I'll tell you how many liberals (Boston or otherwise) spent the night cowering and wishing for an AR-15 with a hi-capacity [sic] magazine.


Liberals don't cower, #asshole.

Liberals don't live in the dystopian world of fear that #gunfetishizing, #nimrods like you live in.

We live in a world where our taxes pay for highly trained, unionized law enforcement  members do their jobs and protect us.

Successfully, it turns out.

That is all.

Do you see why I'm not cut out for Twitter? 


Oh, one more thing....

As I posted the other night, the fertilizer factory explosion in West, Texas, outside of Waco, was horrific.

The result of poorly regulated oversight by the state of Texas.

As a result, Governor Rick Perry (who has been in favor of succession from the U.S.) and Senator Ted Cruz (who stood, bravely, against federal help for the victims of super-storm Sandy) have begged the federal government for help and praised their new BFF, President Obama, for coming to the aid of their state.

Perry and Cruz.

Hypocrites, or douchebag, asshole hypocrites?

The Blog reports.

You decide.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

This Just In...

A fertilizer plant near Waco, Texas has exploded, killing somewhere near 100 people.

Read the story here.

Just awful.

But, in an attempt to beat the conspiracy crazies to the punch, (and staying awake for another 20 minutes when The Blog should be in bed and asleep,) let me just say this...

A fertilizer factory is, basically, a bomb in a building.

Timothy McVeigh packed a UHaul truck with fertilizer and destroyed a building with it.

The Blog is sure that, by morning, Alex Jones will have some sort of paranoid, freak show theory about this.

Sorry, but no.

Fertilizer plants are dangerous, volatile places.

The question isn't, "How did this happen?"

The question is, "How has this not happened more than it has?"

So, chill out people.

This was an industrial accident.

Not a terrorist attack.

Random Stuff and a Respite

The Blog promised, two posts ago, that he will refrain from further comment about the Boston bombing until our journalists (and The Blog is using that term loosely) get their shit together and start behaving like journalists rather than the neighborhood gossip mongers.

Okay, maybe those were not exactly the words The Blog used two posts ago. But, it is what he was thinking at the time. And in light of today's journalistic cluster fuck, I am typing them, out loud, now.

Walter, Chet and David are spinning in their graves.

So on to other things...


Today, all of our Senate Republicans and four Democrats proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they do not represent the interests of "We the People" who elected them, but rather, they represent the monied lobbyists and the corporate interests who fund them.

90% of Americans support universal background checks for gun sales.

90% of Democratic Senators voted in favor of universal background checks for gun sales.

90% of Republican Senators (and four Democrats) voted against universal background checks for gun sales.

And, thanks to the Congressional new math, a simple majority is no longer a majority.

Baffling, infuriating and shameful.

And boy oh boy was the President pissed!

As well he should be.

You can watch his response to today's vote here.

The PC will admit that he was a bit distracted by VP Biden's Grumpy Cat impression.

The PC doesn't do the Twitter thing.

And, it's been several hours since he checked Facebook.

I'm wondering how many minutes it took for the right-wing blowhards to call the President's righteous anger a "temper tantrum."


But, enough disgust for tonight.

Let's all take a deep breath and watch something pretty awesome.

Enjoy with me now, the a cappella voices of Pentatonix as they take us on a journey through the evolution of music.

Posting may be sporadic for the next couple of nights.

The PC is wrapping two shows for the season and gearing up for a new one, this week, so yeah.

Maybe something this weekend.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Boston Update

The Blog had planned to post an update, tonight, regarding the Boston Marathon bombing.

There hasn't been much progress as far as "who, what or why."

In last night's post, The PC expressed some doubt about several of the things being reported yesterday.

As it turns out, The PC's skepticism has been vindicated.

The JFK Library fire was a coincidence, unrelated to the marathon explosions.

There were no unexploded devices found.

The Saudi "person of interest" has been cleared of any suspicion.

I wanted to write a witty and verbose commentary on that.

But, since The Blog is one of the lazy, entitled, liberal elitists who is getting a large refund on his taxes and must, therefore, be a "taker..."

I will turn the heavy lifting over to a pundit who is smarter, funnier and, at the risk of being branded shallow and sexist, much better looking than The Blog.

 Here is how John Fugelsang did my job for me.

Thanks John!


While The Blog considers vigilante justice best kept within the confines of fiction, I admit that I consider the "hacktivist" organization "Anonymous" to be true heroes.

"Anonymous" has vowed to go after the inbred hate cult known as the Westboro Baptist Church if they go ahead with their plan to bring their vile brand of hate vomit to the funerals of the victims of the bombing.

Go "Anonymous!"

Just a side note to "Anonymous."

The Blog was a fan of Alan Moore's graphic novel "V for Vendetta" before it was cool.

That said, I think, under the circumstances, it's time to dispense with the Guy Fawkes masks.

Guy Fawkes is a symbol of violent, and literally, explosive revolution.

Maybe not the best image to put out there, right now.

May I, humbly, suggest that you switch to...

                                                                         Blank Masks

                                                                       Morph Suits
Or, perhaps...

                                                             The Blue Man Group
Because who doesn't love them?

The PC is just spit balling here.


The PC just realized that this post is dangerously close to becoming too positively warm and fuzzy.

We can't let that happen.

So, allow me to add one more ass-wipe, shit-head to last night's list of crisis whores...

Tonight, giant, talking penis, Sean Hannity, contributed this bit of "humor" regarding the Boston tragedy...

Bombing footage edited into a movie trailer.

Funny stuff. No?


Tuesday, April 16, 2013


Today's news out of Boston is horrific.

Two "I.E.D." style bombs detonated near the finish line of the Boston Marathon.

Three confirmed dead. (Including an 8-year-old.)

The casualty count still rising. (The last I heard, 136 injured.)

Another explosion has been reported at the JFK Library, but I have heard nothing more about that since the original report.

Unconfirmed reports of at least five other unexploded bombs.

Again, unconfirmed.

It's a sure thing that we won't really know anything for a day or more.

It is a sad fact that, in today's news atmosphere, the goal is to be "first" with the story, rather than "right."

Until the facts are sorted out, I will comment no further.

But there is one fact that has The PC's blood boiling.

The smoke hadn't yet cleared.

The casualties were still being counted.

And the bodies of three innocents (including that 8-year-old) were still warm.

And as predictably as the sun rising in the east, the conspiracy theorists, the paranoids, the Islamophobes and the Obama haters were already chiming in.


Alex Jones, the radio infesting, YouTube infecting, king of the tinfoil hat conspiracy crowd led the way on Twitter...

Remember that this shit-stain took to the airwaves and internets to claim that the Newtown massacre was a government hoax while the bodies of 20 children were still laying in their own blood at Sandyhook.

Next up...

Matthew Boyle from the rotting corpse of Andrew, Todd Starnes from Fox "News" Radio and Ben Shapiro, also from, wasted no time in politicizing the tragedy.

Because, fuck Obama.

Eric Rush of WorldNetDaily ( and noted Islamophobe, vomited this on Twitter...

Later, he tried to backpedal, explaining with no trace of irony whatsoever, that "Libs" just don't get the joke.

                                                                     Because, Ha, ha!

The only real funny that Mr. Rush seems to have missed, is his confession that, as a columnist for WND and Fox "News" contributer, he is "not a member of the press."

And finally...

Not to be left out, The folks at the Westboro Baptist Church (Motto: "Come for the homophobia, stay for the generalized hate,") made an important announcement.

Okay, enough disgust for tonight.

How about a pallet cleanser of positivity in the face of tragedy and right-wing dickishness?

                                                         The PC loves Patton Oswalt!

Damn near everything that comes out of his mouth is hilarious.

He is also a pretty darned good actor.

Which is a good thing.

Because he is every fucking where on TV and in movies, these days.

But, what he had to say today isn't funny.

It is moving and generally awesome.

"Boston. Fucking horrible.

I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, "Well, I've had it with humanity."

But I was wrong. I don't know what's going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths.
But here's what I DO know. If it's one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we're lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they're pointed towards darkness.

But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, "The good outnumber you, and we always will."

And then, there is this Facebook post from The Blog Jr.

A great idea!

And one that makes his old man proud!

Monday, April 15, 2013

April 15th

So it's April 15th.

Tax Day.

The day that the comic strip duck will call you an "idiot" for celebrating getting a refund.

Because getting 0% interest on a short term "loan" is worse than having to borrow 27% because you cut it too close on the with-holding.

It's too late for The Blog to give you tax advice for this year. But, save this valuable piece of advice for future reference.

There is one person that you should have in your life that is a paranoid, government hating, ultra-right-wing nut case.

Your tax preparer.

Because no one will work harder to get you money back from the gum'mint than he  will.

And, I don't mean your average tea-bagging, doofus.

That sort of ignorance will only get you in trouble.

No, you need someone who is brilliant, but crazy.

When choosing a tax preparer, avoid the giant, corporate chains. They are in bed with the people who make the tax code more and more complicated.

When looking for a tax guy, check for tin-foil headgear.

For many years, The PC had a tax guy who was, simply, shady.

The PC, ultimately, paid for that mistake.

About a decade ago, The Blog took his first meeting with his current tax guy.

On the surface, he is a dude.

Hawaiian shirt, beard, wet hair because he came to work straight from an early morning of surfing.


The things that made this guy great were subtle, at first.

The radio that drones, quietly, in the background in his office is a "fire and brimstone, Christian" station.

Things escalated quickly.

An offhand remark by me about it making more sense to bury my money in the back yard rather than try to earn interest from a bank was met with this, completely straight faced response..."

"Yeah, but if you do that, when China takes over, your money won't, automatically, convert."

"Ha ha." I said.

He didn't laugh.

"Ha." said I.


This theme has been repeated during numerous, subsequent meetings.

Yep. This guy is paranoid, nutso cuckoo.

And, he gets me refunds every year, without an audit in sight.

Get yourselves one of these guys! Just practice up on keeping a straight face and biting your tongue.

This year's conversation was especially choice.

In spite of some very good healthcare coverage, between Mrs. Blog and myself, we have co-pays and non-covered medical expenses that are so high they are nearly bankrupting us.

Thousands of dollars worth.

Under current tax law, you cannot deduct medical expenses until you reach something like $11,000.

So $8,000 worth of expenses are useless on our tax return.

"Just wait until next year," my guy smugly quips. "It's going to get worse under Obamacare."

I smile and nod, my inner voice saying, "Seriously?"

My inner voice continued, "I can't write off $8,000 worth of medical expenses, (thanks to Reagan) this year, but next year, I still won't be able to write them off, but will be secure in the knowledge that my wife's insurance can't cancel her for being too sick. If I lose my job, I will still be able to get affordable coverage. Even with my pre-existing conditions. And my son, a college student working part time retail can also get affordable coverage. But, next year, under Obamacare, things will be worse?"

So, how will next year be worse?

Oh, right.

Because, Obama.

He's a putz.

But, he is a brilliant putz.

If you can bear it, you really need to find a guy like this.