Sunday, April 14, 2013

Tough Guys

The above graphic has been making the internet rounds.

Pretty funny.

"Kim Jong Un is still alive because Chuck Norris doesn't want to carry his dead ass back to 'merica."

Am I right?

Yeah. Hilarious.

But, it got The PC thinking...

In spite of conventional wisdom, Hollywood is, and always has been, rife with conservative, right-wing, bad-ass, super-patriot, cowboy heroes.

Just to catch you up, in case you have been living without internet access, television or newspapers for the last week or so...

Kim Jong Un is the son of, or perhaps more likely, the "mini-me" clone of, tripping balls, bat-shit crazy, president, emperor, king, whatever of North Korea...

                                                                         Kim Jong Il.

He is also hilarious as Han on the CBS sitcom...

                                                                   "2 Broke Girls."

Okay, I may be wrong about that.


The Blog has been informed that the above joke, comparing Kim Jong Un with actor Matthew Moy might be perceived as perpetuating a racist stereotype. That is not The Blog's intention. All Koreans do not look alike. The Blog regrets any misunderstanding.

                                                             But, seriously, some do.

Kim Jong Un is making all sorts of noise about waging nuclear war against North Korea's enemies.

And the American media, right and left, are wringing their hands about the possibility of a North Korean nuke strike.

The Blog will leave such prognostication to actual experts who may, actually, know what they are talking about.

Except for one observation.

North Korea's recent nuke test and a handful of missile test have been hilariously lacking.

It seems to The PC that Un's chest thumping is just an effort crank his daddy's crazy up to eleven, in order to deal with his daddy issues.

Unlike anyone we know from recent history.

Which brings The PC back to the original question.

Why don't we just send this all American, conservative, tough guy, bad-ass Chuck Norris to North Korea to take this nutzoid out?

If we have learned nothing else from Afghanistan and Iraq, we should have learned that using full military force against a lone crazy is just messy and expensive.

So why hasn't Chuck volunteered for the mission?

Maybe he could use some back-up.

While conservative, patriot, fake cowboys, John Wayne and Ronald Reagan and fake Red Sea parting, ape fighting Charlton Heston are no longer available...

He could surely count on modern day tough guys Clint Eastwood, Bruce Willis, Gary Sinese...

                                        ...and, in a pinch, Kelsey Grammar and Jon Lovitz... form a modern "Delta Force" with him.

How awesome would that be?

But, I won't hold my breath.

Willis and Sinese's schedules are booked up for now, playing pretend tough guys in the movies and on the TV.

Eastwood is busy having deep conversations with furniture.

The Blog was just kidding about Grammar and Lovitz.

So, I guess Chuck is on his own.

But, he is the awesome, bad-ass, man, myth and legend.

He is the Texas Ranger, white ninja, student of Bruce Lee.

Surely he could take out the fat child, "Dear Leader," in short order.


But, I guess not.

Chuck Norris is busy.

Writing, from the safety of his bunker (I presume,) outside of Houston, op-eds for the internet port-o-potty protecting America from the "real enemy of freedom..."

President Barack Obama.

Fight on, Chuck.

Most of America recognizes you as the cowardly fraud you really are.


  1. The Hollywood tough guy character serves a purpose... to provide entertainment (hopefully) for an hour or 2 and sometimes some catch phrases that are cool to reference for maybe a week (did you hear that Arnold?... they don't stay cool forever). The only thing more annoying than when these guys try to carry their on-screen character over into real life is when they try to use it to reinforce their political views or - god help us - run for office. Therefore, I have a better idea... instead of sending Chuck or any other I'm-not-really-a-badass-but-play-one-in-the-movies type, let's send one who claims to be the real deal - the "madman" himself - the Nuge. Grab your crossbow, AK, and GUI-tar, Ted, because here's why this would be a fantastic idea:
    1. You could make up for shitting yourself to avoid serving your country.
    2. You could prove all the gun-grabbin' 2nd-amendment-hatin' liberals wrong by proving that yes, you or any average schmuck can stand up to tyranny with an assault weapon. Nukes schmukes... you got 30-round mags which do sooooo much more than taking out 1 shopping mall, movie theater, college campus, or elementary school full of innocents at a time! Can you smell the freedom?
    3. You can live up to your "dead or in jail" promise you made right around this time last year. Now, I'm enough of a bleeding heart that I truly wouldn't and couldn't wish death on anyone; however, the "in jail" part doesn't sound half bad to me, and you could actually make up for sleeping with underage girls (and writing songs about how way awesome it is) by finally serving some jail time. And doing that stretch in a North Korean jail would be even sweeter.

    BTW, I wanted to respond to the last post to let you know that reading your blog has become part of my morning routine, but since I get up at Oh shit(!) o'clock in the morning, posting a response most times doesn't work out too well since I'm still in too much of a zombie-like state to form a coherent sentence and, as you can see, I tend to ramble. I would suggest that you continue to post links on other sites to increase followers, but it only takes 1 uber sensitive RWer to take issue with your opinion, and before you know it, you'll have hordes of them on here ranting and raving. And even though it's sometimes fun to watch them be creative in order to beat the filter (even if there isn't one) and sneak in a racial slur or get totally creative with their use of the word "Obama" (my favorite is Obummer... isn't that cute?), it gets old very quickly. You'd probably have to take away the comments option after a while, and then where would folks like me be able to rant?

    1. Great idea, Joe! It's been a while since I've taken a swipe at the Nuge and was focused on the actor angle, so it didn't even occur to me.

      The Motor City Madman vs. The North Korean Nutzoid! They could put it on "Pay-per-View!

      I wrote a post last April called "We Love/Hate Vigilantes," that looks at our tough guy culture. If you haven't read it, go check it out. I think you will like it!

      My stats page tells me that I have a pretty amazing number of readers considering how little I promote the blog. I just wish that I had more commenters! And, more commenters like you!

      And so far, I haven't attracted any trolls. I like it that way!

      So, rant on here, anytime you like!