Monday, January 14, 2013

And It Just Keeps Coming

Last night, The Blog posted a right-wing email that was, just about, the bat shittiest pile of bat shit that he has ever received over the last several years of receiving bat shit from the shitting bats.

(Pardon me for a moment, while I rest up from that last sentence...

... Okay, I've recovered. Moving forward.)

The PC even gave himself an excuse to skip posting tonight.

Today, The Blog receive this little number from...

And, if anyone thought that that email couldn't be topped...

The folks at "Conservative Contacts Alerts" took it to the next level.

Bat shit just got real.


Unlike many of the wing-nut emails that The Blog gets in his inbox everyday...

Which, The Blog suspects are sent out by creepy loners living in heavily armed cabins in Minnesota (or some such place) with a wood stove and internet access...

"Conservative Contacts Alerts" seems to be a "legitimate" business. A clearinghouse for email distribution to conservatives and promiscuous email sluts, like myself, who engage in unprotected, written intercourse with all the wrong people.

Unlike many of those other spammers, one can never be sure what will be found inside a "Conservative Contacts Alerts" email.

                                                                                "Momma always said..."
Life is like a box of toxic chocolates.

One message might be from Newt Gingrich, pleading for money for his failed presidential campaign.

One might be from Mitt Romney... doing the same thing.

Another might be from Donald Trump, spreading his "birther" theories.

Or Ted Nugent. Enough said.

*End Digression*

Today's came from a "prepper" web site.

(The Blog uses the term "prepper" because "survivalist" just feels like it gives these astoundingly paranoid monkey fucks too much credit.)

The subject line reads...

Obama Steals Your Guns

Typical stuff.

It's what follows that dropped The Blog's jaw to his chest.

Dear Patriot,

With the way our government is heading it could only be a matter of days until you kiss your second amendment rights goodbye.

But here's the question...

Do you know how to defend your family using nothing but primitive weapons?

Click the link below to see the truth about 21 deadly weapons the government could NEVER take away:

See with the way things are heating up between North Korea, Iran and the everyday threat of a terrorist attack you could need to defend your family sooner than you think.

And in a disaster situation can you guess what one of the first things to go is going to be?


Which means you'll be forced to rely on the same kind of weapons our ancestors used for thousands of years...

Weapons that a small group of men would use to hunt and kill anything from a wild elephant to a lion!

Click the link below to discover the truth about these 21 long-forgotten weapons:

Remember, we're all in this together!

'Above Average' Joe

P.S. Be sure to pay attention to the one thing NEVER to do with a glass bottle... and how to make it into a 9-knife weapon instead!

P.P.S. You've already got 6 weapons hiding in your garage (not power tools). Don't be left helpless if the government ever decides to confiscate your guns. 


Those preppers may be bug fuck paranoid, but they sure are creative!

I have removed the links to the promised site, as well as the actual name of the "organization" that sent this out.

For a couple of reasons.

1.) The Blog does not wish to direct traffic to this site.

b.) The Blog does not wish to put whatever information this site promised to share out to every nut-case that can operate Google.

Tres.) The Blog "took one for the team" and clicked on the link, himself.

Here is what happened...

The Blog was taken to a web page that demanded his email address, before sharing the valuable information.

Since The Blog learned his lesson all those years ago, he pulled on an internet condom and entered a web based email address that exists, solely, to protect himself from the D.T.Ds (Digitally Transmitted Diseases) that such contact may expose himself to.

From there, The PC was taken to a web page that reiterated everything in the email, then offered to sell him a book, for the price of $7.99.

The Blog took a pass.

But, he is pretty sure that every creepy loaner in a cabin, etc. will happily shell out  the eight bucks to learn what "six deadly things are in [their] garage" that they can use when Obama takes their guns, might be.


Not just bat shittery.

Bat shittery for a profit.

Surprise, surprise.

One more thing...

FotB, Teresa, commenting on last night's post, asked...

OMG.. first off are they even allowed to "sell" your email.. I would be all over their crap for THAT.. and what a bunch of NUTTERS... that is all.


Yes, they can.

A bit about that.

The PC began getting a "newsletter" from a local, "conservative" pundit about ten years ago.

The PC didn't know who this asshole was or, at first, how he got on this guys spam list.

After much thought, I will tell you that the "pundit's" name is Steve Frank. He is a self-styled Republican commentator with a mediocre resumé.

The PC has decided to take the high road and not share his email address. Nor will I drive any traffic to his blog, by posting it's name, here.

If you want more information on this guy, a couple of minutes on Google will probably do the job.

Before he had a blog, he sent out a daily "newsletter."

It was an amazing compendium of right-wing buggery.

The Blog endured his daily dose of nonsense for quite a while, without acknowledging it, for an impressive amount of time.

But, one day, this idiot made the most amazing claim!

He said that the "impending Social Security crisis" was a direct result of "the legalization of abortion."

Two bats with one stone.

The PC could no longer contain himself.

He emailed Mr. Frank and asked him who he was, and who did he think he was?

The PC received a prompt response. A copy of Mr. Frank's hilarious resumé.

Which, explained a lot.

Mr. Frank is a retiree. But, his last job was as professional spammer (my words) for a printer ink refill company.

Mr. Frank, apparently, appropriated the email listings of his former company and used it to spam people like me.

The two of us had a few lively email exchanges. Each of which ended with Mr. Frank calling The PC some choice names.

When he caught up with the internet technology that had long been mastered by jr. high school students several years prior, he moved away from the email "newsletter" and started a blog.

While his blog's privacy policy claimed that it would not sell user information, a point that The PC called him on, he informed me that he had merely "rented" his email list to various web sites, to finance his new blog.

Point One.) The Blog's blog costs him nothing, aside from his ancient computer, an internet connection and a bottle of moderately priced scotch.

Point Two.) As a retired, professional spammer, Mr. Frank knows damned well that there is no such thing as "renting" an address list. Once a list has been "shared" it has been shared on a permanent basis.

What an asshole.

One last thing...

Just a bit of "inside sports" between Teresa and The Blog...

Once The PC understood who this ass-wipe was, he had a realization.

Back around the year 2001, Mr. Frank was a last minute booking on Bill Maher's "Politically Incorrect."

During that appearance, during a debate about the public school system, Mr. Frank got his clock cleaned by a certain, cute little, blonde actress friend of ours, whose initials are L.L.

I thought you might enjoy that. 

1 comment:

  1. I seriously hate reading what these people are putting out there. It's shocking to realize how many bushels of nuts are out there.

    Also, once the election was over I thought my Facebook news feed would go back to being a Happy Place with news & posts tailored to my bleeding-left-wing-liberal heart...and gardening. I was wrong. What ugliness the election didn't expose from some of these "friends," the renewed gun-control "debate" has.

    Speaking of gardening, my "Friends" list is due for some pruning.