Friday, March 7, 2014

A Gathering: Part 1

This week witnessed an annual event where people gather to get shit faced, dress funny, flaunt their darkest proclivities and participate in activities that they should be ashamed of.

Of course, I'm talking about CPAC*.
*Caucasian People Acting Crazy. (Possibly not accurate.)
Oh. You thought I was talking about Mardi Gras.

Naw, that's all cool.

Compared to CPAC, (Conservative Political Action Conference, [verified]) Mardi Gras looks like Avon, Ohio's Duck (sic) Tape™ Festival.

CPAC is like ComicCon, but with more fantasy and fiction, less diversity, and no one from the cast of "The Big Bang Theory."

CPAC is the annual conservative circle jerk where right-wing politicians, pundits and true believers gather together to reassure themselves that they aren't as batshit as everyone else knows they are.

Which is kinda like ComicCon.

ComicCon has these guys..

CPAC has this guy...

So, you see?

*The Blog would like the record to show that the above paragraphs were written last night. A solid 15 hours before John Fugelsang posted a similar analogy on Facebook, this morning.  

John is this Blog's personal comedy Jesus, so I am pretty stoked that I actually beat him to a joke.

BOOYAH! John Fugelsang! In yo' face!*

What was I talking about?

Oh yeah.

The festivities began Thursday and will continue through the weekend.

The Blog assumes that, like most weekend conventions, all the real action will wrap up on Saturday night. By Sunday, all the good swag will be gone and the only booths and panels left will be a few "D-listers."

So much delicious blog fodder has already gone down and I assume more will happen tomorrow. Your Uncle PC will attempt a round-up tomorrow night.

Until then, a little sneak preview...

Mitch McConnell is armed and butch.

Wayne LaPierre is just armed.

Paul Ryan lies, lies again, steals a child and lies some more.

Ted Cruz still thinks himself a viable candidate and makes noises like Hitler Howard Dean.

Chris Christie sucks Koch.

Donald Trump kills Jimmy Carter.

The "Minority Outreach" panel pays tribute to Clint Eastwood.

And, while I have no facts to back this up, maybe Ted Nugent will perform.

(One can only hope.)

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