If you missed last night's post, go ahead and catch up.
Okay. You're back. Good.
Every year, it seems impossible that CPAC could be any more of a weird-fest than the previous one. But, every year, it does get weirder.
As a public service, The Blog has collected some of his favorite stories from this year's wing-nut convention.
Let's begin with Senate minority leader
Watch the first 30 seconds or so of the video at the bottom of Raw Story's page.
Not sure if Mitch is giving the rifle to Sen. Tom Coburn (R-15 Minutes to Retirement) or if Tom is taking it away from him, before someone gets hurt.
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie didn't get the memo and showed up anyway.
The PC doesn't know if the Governor really still believes he stands a chance at a presidential run or not, but like a wombat who comes head-on with an obstruction and keeps pushing forward because he isn't smart enough to get that what he really needs to do is back up...
Christie made a valiant effort.
He began by kissing Koch brothers ass. Then followed up with something about "intolerant Democrats" and "blah, blah, blah, pro-choice, blah, blah, abortion, something, something, something."
If anyone still gives a shit about what he has to say, you can read about it, here.
President of the Sovereign Nation State of Tejas, Ted Cruz, demonstrated his ignorance of recent American history and declared Pres. Barak Obama a "dictator."
He then went on to say, "blah, blah, blah, abolish the IRS, blah, blah, abolish the Dept. of Education, something, abolish, something, something."
And then, in a surprise twist, he came out in favor of saving the United States Postal Service, which must have given, at least, a few CPACers heart attacks.
In a sane world, anything Gov. Cruz says should be as irrelevant as anything Gov. Christie has to say. But, this is not a sane world, and Cruz is on the GOP short list for a presidential run.
So, whether you care or not, you should probably check out what he had to say, over at the Daily Kos.
The PC says, "There are three reasons that Ted Cruz should never be allowed anywhere near the presidency.
One: Because he is an idiot.Former GOP primary loser, Christianist Dominionist, radio personality, Mike Huckabee <3 America, <3 God, and <3 Vlad Putin.
Two: See number One.
Three: ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Oops."
Again, at the Daily Kos.
The Blog has nothing to add to this that could be any funnier.
Donald Trump, the dumbest right-wing celebutard who isn't Victoria Jackson or Ted Nugent tried to kill off President Jimmy Carter.
The multimillionaire, reality show star, who has made his fortune by systematically declaring bankruptcy also had some thoughts about America's economic future.
Because, he knows stuff.
Some crazy woman made her way passed security and stormed the stage, and rambled on about how the TEA Party is an "intellectual movement."
Thankfully, her own "movement," will be "out of Congress," in a couple of months.
Look for her, soon, to take her new job as a Fox "News" analyst.
What if the GOP threw a panel party about "Minority Outreach," and no one showed up?
Thanks to insider Tweeter John Hudak, we know the answer.
In honor of Clint Eastwood, the panel talked about a bunch of stuff to a lot of empty chairs.
Similarly, the CPAC GOP tried, but not much, to "reach out" to women.
Which brings us to Sen. Paul Ryan (R-Atlas Shrugged.)
Sen. Ryan showed us that his nickname, "Lyin' Ryan" is well deserved.
He delivered a moving speech...
... that was 99.9% fact free.
And proved that while some Republicans might be capable of reading, their comprehension skills, seriously, suck.
The object of right-wing masturbatory fantasy, Ann Coulter, went there.
Sadly, The Blog's prognostication (read, "wishful thinking,") was wrong.
"The Motor City Madman" Ted Nugent was a no-show.
But, almost better...
"The Quitter from Twitter," Sarah Palin provided CPAC's grand finalé...
Because invoking Dr. Seuss' "Green Eggs and Ham" worked out so well for Ted Cruz.
The CPAC straw poll, the GOP political equivalent of "The Rolling Stone Cover Curse," has declared Sen. Rand Paul the winner of the 2016 GOP primary.
The Blog extends heartfelt condolences to Sen. Paul.
Don't quit your day job. (Or do. That would be better.)