After three months of enforced leisure...
Or, as we call it in the television business, "hiatus."
Or, as people in the normal world call it, "unemployment..."
Getting back to work, full time, takes some adjustment.
So, because your Uncle PC is nearly paralyzed, physically and mentally...
*And a good two ounces over his maximum nightly requirement of cheap scotch...*
And, it's only 10:45.
The Blog is going to get lazy and share something he saw today, on the internets.
Thanks to postgradproblems.com for this open letter to Time Warner Cable.
Dear Time Warner Cable,
How awesome was last night’s episode of Dexter? Oh that’s right. You cut off Showtime, because you’re the worst cable provider in the history of television. Shit, you might be the worst company in the history of organized business. The first caveman to sell the secret of fire to other cavemen did a better job of providing customer service than you morons.
I’ve spent countless nights lying awake in bed, imagination swimming with wild theories on what could possible be happening in the world of Dexter. For all I know, Mr. Morgan was killed off weeks ago in a brutal murder-suicide executed by Debra, and now the show’s plot revolves around Angel Batista’s love life.
By the way, my bill this month was $198.05 for cable and internet. Why? I have no fucking idea. I would access my account online to find out how I’m being charged over $50 more than usual when not even receiving Showtime, but my “TWC ID is no longer active,” so I can’t sign in. How convenient.
I could probably call, belittle one of your soulless employees, threaten to cancel my account, and promptly receive a discount for next month, but would it be worth the excruciating 45-minute phone call? I’m fairly certain that when you evil bastards give a discount, you make a note on that account to recover your losses a few months later with a totally random raise in rates.
I would’ve switched to a different provider years ago, but you’re the only one available in my area. You were the only one available at my previous residence as well. I hate you so much, you monopolistic sons of bitches. You are everything that is wrong with America. I blame you exclusively for 9/11, the recession, and male pattern baldness.
It must be glorious to have AT&T U-verse. I bet they have impeccable service, free NFL RedZone, maybe even some awesome porn channels that I don’t even know about.
Fuck you, Time Warner Cable. Fuck you twice.
Every Customer You’ve Ever Had
One new thought on this topic...
A few posts back, I pointed out that most of CBS' highest rated shows are produced by Warner Bros., a subsidiary of Time Warner Communications.
And, I predicted that, because of that alliance, the dispute will have to be settled before the new season begins.
The Blog had another epiphany, just today.
Time Warner (or CBS, depending on which side you believe,) is blocking all of the CBS owned "secondary" stations in their major markets.
Here in Los Angeles, that would be Channel 9.
Check your local listings.
Which led me to a stunning realization...
About a decade ago, the struggling Viacom (the parent company of CBS) owned network "UPN" merged with the struggling Time Warner owned network, "The WB," to become...
"C" is for CBS.
"W" is for Warner Bros.
So, while TWC and CBS play chicken, they are both shooting their respective eyes out.
Because, those "secondary" channels are owned, in partnership, by Time Warner and CBS.
Until the dispute is resolved, the snake is swallowing it's own tail.
One more thing, just because The Blog has to purge it from his own brain.
Fuck "Sharktopus," twice.
DO NOT CLICK ON THE FOLLOWING LINK IF YOU PLAN ON SLEEPING IN THE NEXT WEEK. OR MONTH. OR YEAR. OR, EVER AGAIN.
*DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.*
Thanks a whole fucking lot to MentalFloss.com for alerting The Blog of the existence of the following H.R. Geiger nightmare.
Not just a "WTF?" moment.
Rather a "jesusmotherfuckingchristwhatthefuckisthatmakeitstop!!!!!!" moment.
I swear to dog, when I saw this, I climbed up the back of my desk chair and peed in my p.j.s, a little bit.
Brace yourself and, if you must...
Meet the Goblin Shark.
You watched it, didn't you?
I told you so.
Mental Floss provides this explanation..
Mitsukurina owstoni, also known as the goblin shark, doesn't look like any shark you've seen before. These deep sea denizens can grow up to 13 feet and have a pinkish-gray coloration and a long, flattened snout. And when they feed, they become scarier than any Great White. Normally, the M. owstoni's jaws -- which are lined with sharp, needle-like teeth -- sit flush with the underside of its head. But to capture its prey, the shark thrusts its jaw forward, almost to the end of its snout, like a deep sea version of Hungry Hungry Hippos. Based on the seven specimens retrieved with identifiable stomach contents, as well as the slender shape of its mouth, scientists think the shark's diet probably includes teleost or finned fish, squid, and crabs. Since it was first discovered in 1898 off of Yokohama, Japan, fewer than 50 goblin shark specimens have been found. (One shark, captured alive in 2007, was exhibited at an aquarium in Japan for a short time before it died.) Scientists believe M. owstoni lives at depths from 130 feet to 4,265 feet -- which means they probably won't be coming to a beach near you anytime soon.
As if that will help.
Pleasant dreams, my blogglitts.