Thursday, December 5, 2013

The War on... Ah Hell, You Know

This week, the American Family Association, an organization primarily devoted to monitoring the number of times the word "vagina" is uttered on "2 Broke Girls," and instructing their email subscribers to pray to God Almighty to smite the homosexuals, liberals and/or anything that Obama is in favor of, issued their annual "Naughty and Nice" list.

Because nothing keeps Christ in Christmas like an enemies list.

Take a gander...

Okay, strictly speaking, it's not an enemies list.

The AFA breaks the list down into three categories.

Companies for Christmas, Against Christmas and the somewhat baffling Marginal on Christmas.

The list criteria are based, not on how these businesses treat their employees or contribute, in any sort of Christian manner, to the general good of society.


The list is based solely on how often and how aggressively companies use the work "Christmas" in their advertising.

Notice the quotation marks around the word "Christmas" on their list.

Never mind if a company pays sub-poverty wages, denies healthcare coverage or forces employees to report to work on Thanksgiving day to sell cheap shit to ravenous yahoos. That's not what "Christmas" is about.

It's about the word "Christmas."

In advertising.

Let's look at the "Against" (or as the AFA helpfully puts it, "AGAINST") list.

Clocking in at only eleven entries, it is the easiest list to dissect.

I don't know about most of these retailers. Except for Barnes & Noble, Victoria's Secret and Radio Shack, I haven't seen any commercials, Christmassy or otherwise, anywhere.

B&N's one TV ad is pretty festive, even if the C word isn't mentioned.

I totally get the AFA's issue with Victoria's Secret.

All those angel wings mixed with underwear make the AFA members all tingly and confused. The buzzing in their ears makes it impossible to hear if the word "Christmas" is even mentioned.

But, they really seem to have it in for Radio Shack and I don't know why.

The Shack's ads, even if they don't mention the word, are some of the most aggressively festive ads on the TV and in print.

But, the AFA has singled them out, specifically, for boycott. (Or "BOYCOTT!")

Radio Shack must have been very, very naughty, this year.

On to the "marginal" list.

Seriously, I don't know what the fuck this means.

Do these companies use the word in one or two ads, but not in others?

Have you been in a Walgreens lately? Need I elaborate?

And, who among us will not give or receive a "Christmas" present of some sort to/from a coworker or student or neighbor from Bath & Body Works?

Finally, the "Nice" list...

Look at that list.

There are a couple of truly "nice" companies in that column. Costco and Zappos are known for being all around excellent establishments. Decent pay for their employees. Giving back to their communities.

But, the rest?


I guess you just have to say the word "Christmas" often enough to buy your way into the AFA's idea of Heaven.

I could stop here, but I have just a couple more random points to make.

The "Nice" list, as the other two, are in alphabetical order.

Except for the number one business on the list.

That would be the AFA's own online store.

Office Depot is on the "Naughty" list, but Office Max, which, as of about a month ago, is a wholly owned subsidiary of Office Depot, is "Nice."

How does that work?

Similarly, is "marginal" while is "Nice," even though they are THE SAME FUCKING COMPANY!!!!!!

*ahem* Sorry. I lost it for a minute, there.

Final thought...

Eleven entries on the "Against" list. Thirteen on the "marginal" list.

Fifty Seven entries on the "For" list.

Is it me? Or does this list seem to prove that the War on Christmas is actually, I don't know...

A load of bullshit?

Your old Uncle PC will be glad when December is behind us and the AFA can go back to hating "Modern Family."

I'll see you later at Radio Shack.

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